John made a decision I didn’t want. Over and over.
Mom uses humor initially, but eventually my laughing becomes anger.
Then yelling happens.
(On one hand, having a verbal jousting with a child learning how to use expressive language is a great achievement, even adventure.)
But yelling isn’t a good empowerment, right?
Then we cool down, I apologize to John (and vice versa). We then talk about what went wrong.
And we come up with a plan on what to do and not to do next time.
This happens twice in 14 hours.
So, when the third opportunity to yell arrives, Mom remembers the new plan.
Later, I was watching Eckhart Tolle, and found his conversation on anger.
Hope this helps you as it has helped me re-find my joy. Check out what he says at 9:25.
Peace be with us.
John has been learning that cheating is not OK.
He used to think it was really funny when he grabbed the white board and wiped the list clean.
Then he found out we would just write the list (of stuff to do) on paper instead.
With a penalty—more of whatever he was trying to avoid.
And no electronics until the list was done.
And I tell him, “John, you are miserable right now because YOU are making bad choices.”
I know he understands.
I just have to keep my ego out of his rebellion.
I hope this helps in your home.
Peace to us,
John thinks it is a reward, an adventure, to “try brave” in new bathrooms, new places.
So, he is willing to do his daily reading (merely) so that he can earn using the bathroom afterward.
To try brave once again.
The dreaded dryer will probably be in there.
There is joy on his face when he comes out of all that noise, victorious because “I did it!”
I hope your child has something to conquer that brings joy with victory.
It is what life is about.
Our kids conquer things that we have no understanding of.
Peace be with us.
Today, so far, John has decided to make a string of personal decisions that brings me to my knees.
Then (with the help of the angels), I decided to look at it all a different way.
What if he is once again testing whether I love him enough to hold my ground?
Believe in him enough to remain emotionally calm but consistent in our rules together?
So I tell him I am very sad he is wasting his time.
And that he can earn back his ________ (not sure what your word is—-for John, the word is electronics) when his list is done.
(We had already made this list together, and he had read it out-loud.)
He wants privacy, so he moves to the stairway.
OK with me.
I am busy enough doing my part—emotionally calm, consistent, as full of hope and joy as possible.
Maybe this can encourage you, so that you know you aren’t alone.
Peace be with us,
Do your kids have something/anything they love to do?
For John, it is anything about his friends.
So, here is the Valentines project.
He had picked Super Heroes, because of the strong.
Two classrooms, lots of kids’ names on that sheet of paper.
He told me a lot, with his out-loud thinking: which kids he liked the best, little things he would chatter about that don’t come out as expressive speech when I ask him questions.
He was “in the flow”, laughing, dropping his pencil, asking himself (out loud!) where his pencil went? and then saying, “good question!”
His writing was pretty good at the beginning.
Mom goofed by putting teachers on the bottom of the list.
So they got the worst of the penmanship.
If you can call it that.
And I “let” him put the little nuggets in the correct bag, which was a motor-planning thing.
So, when you find things that turns your kids’ joy on, hang around and listen.
I learned a lot. Love it when they are happy.
Peace be with us,
Scott Theirl, DC, DACNB, (Functional Approaches to Increase Brain Cell to Cell Communication) recently shared his ideas on using a metronome to help kids.
He said to let a child do things while keeping a slow steady beat (ideally <60).
The 60 setting means 1 beat a second.
He suggested start at 60 and move to a lower/slower number.
Slower is better. Slower is harder. Slower takes more concentration.
There are many free metronome apps.
We are now using a slow steady beat to dribble a basketball, whack on a drum or xylophone, toss a ball into the air (or up the stairs and let it roll back down).
Jumping rope or jumping on a trampoline (really hard at a slow steady beat).
Tap a finger, clap hands, crossing mid-line, at a slow steady, self-aware pace.
In the car, outside, when a child is bored, during a meal (make it a game, right?)
Slower the better. It will help build purposeful dendrites and help with whole-body sensory integration.
Thanks, Dr. Theirl.
Beats be with us,