In our workshops, we talk about finding half-and-half balance in doing all we can for our kids versus accepting them as they are; and how easily that can get out-of-whack.
But recently, something happened and I had to re-think this.
So, here goes:
At the beginning of each interaction with John, where am I standing?
Do I begin on the line, a foot on both sides, waiting for something to happen?
Am I outside looking in, getting ready (for what?), or on the Intervene Now half, with a bias?
I was forced to look at John’s reactions to my re-directs, and I was in the wrong half.
I am trying my very best to begin each time we interact standing in the “I accept you as you are” side.
Like “innocent until proven guilty”.
To back off.
To give him more rope and more peace.
For this isn’t an hourly, daily or weekly decision.
It is a second-by-second, constant state of choice, and I must be very self-aware.
If Mom is an intervention, nagging buzz-kill, then where is the joy in his decisions?